Oh how I have missed this space. I deeply regret taking such a long break from documenting these priceless moments of my family over the past few months. I cannot even count how many times I have gone back to re-read what I wrote down when I was pregnant with Liam. It feels like it was just yesterday. Four years have really just flown by, as I’m sorely reminded while I have been hanging up baby clothes that Liam was JUST in! RIGHT!?!?! I think I have said this before but I am not very good at journaling. I tried at the beginning of the year and that lasted about a month. For some reason though, I enjoy this public display of personal information that details my life far more than anyone should know. Not sure why, not sure that’s important. All I know is I love laying awake some nights scrolling over the moments that fill this blog and just soaking in how truly wonderful this life is. Hence, the deep sorrow I feel that I missed recording so much. (in retrospect probably not that much, but whatever…feels like a lot)

Well I’m back now, no need to hang on to regrets. Lets play catch up. I know my one reader will be so happy (Kort I’m looking at you)

****We’re pregnant! With another boy! Due in November….again!****

You would think it would be like Deja Vu, except it’s not, at all. From before this child was conceived this road has been oh so different. A theme I will eventually wrap back around to. Let’s start at the beginning.

After 8 months of trying for another baby we finally sought some answers and began with some simple tests which came back with results we did not expect. In a nutshell they informed us that we would need to do IVF in order to have another baby. We were both devastated. Especially because Liam was a happy surprise we just kept thinking this time around would be so easy as well. All I could think is that Liam is a miracle and we are so blessed to have him. You always think of your children as miracles but this just really solidified that in both our hearts. I wont lie, we both felt really hopeless and despair came creeping in hard. So thankful we had such wonderful family and friends surrounding us with love and prayers. The hopelessness didn’t last long, in fact it was literally a week…to the hour.

It was Good Friday. I was walking around my beloved Target waiting for the call to head to the hospital for my dear friend’s delivery I was photographing. I remember feeling a little queasy and realizing I was three days late (which meant nothing to me) I decided to buy a pregnancy test, a cheap one at that. I was so sure that I was not pregnant that I ended up taking the test in the bathroom. BOOM! Two immediate pink lines. I never doubted. That was all the proof I needed. When I got home that day I told Ryan I got him an Easter gift. He reached into the bag and pulled out a cadbury egg…his favorite…I told him to keeping going to the bottom of the bag. He pulled out the test and did a silent scream I’m pretty sure only dogs could hear. We decided to wait a few days before telling Liam, just to make sure this was the real deal. Also knowing that once he knew everyone around us would know.

So here we go…let’s wrap up these 25 weeks of pregnancy.

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Liam had been asking to be a brother for months. It was seriously breaking our hearts. We were so excited to tell him he was finally going to be. All he kept repeating over and over was “NOW?” One of the most memorable moments of our lives. 2016-08-15_0003 Liam wore this shirt to tell all of our family the good news. We have it all recorded!2016-08-15_0007The morning I got to announce at MOPS that I was pregnant. I love that Ashley put Myla in the onesie that she received the day she announced.2016-08-15_0017 Our gummy bear. 2016-08-15_0004 So amazing to see him at 8 weeks so clearly.

First trimester was incredibly difficult. I was pretty sick and extremely exhausted. I even got shingles at 11 weeks. I was convinced that this baby had to be a girl. Everything was so different than my pregnancy with Liam.

2016-08-15_0005 My first Mother’s day being a Mom of two. May 8th was the same day we announced our pregnancy with Liam. 2016-08-15_0006 Size of a Raspberry.2016-08-15_0008 2016-08-15_000914 weeks

We were supposed to find out this day what we were having but baby kept it’s legs shut. Our ultrasound tech said she thought she saw something leading her to believe it was a boy. Ryan and I were pretty disappointed, we had really been hoping that this baby was a girl.2016-08-15_0028 Babymoon in Vegas.2016-08-15_0029 2016-08-16_0001I wasn’t supposed to find out this day what I was having. I ended up going in for an emergency visit due to not feeling well. As I was leaving the office the Ultrasound tech pulled me into her office and asked if I wanted to take another look to see the if we could tell the gender. Right away….BOY. I’m really glad we had the two weeks to mentally prepare for this. I wasn’t sad, in fact I was getting really excited to tell Liam. Who had been the only one thinking it was a boy the whole pregnancy. On my way home I got rear ended which almost diminished my joy but I wasn’t hurt thank God. I got home as quickly as I could so we could tell Liam.
2016-08-15_00182016-08-15_0019 We had every intention of doing a little gender reveal get together again…but I just couldn’t wait!2016-08-15_0020 It’s a boy!!!!!!

2016-08-15_0021 2016-08-15_0022 Once Ryan and I saw how excited Liam was for his little brother it was so reassuring that this is how it is supposed to be. I am meant to be a boy mom. I’m groomed for it. My whole life…Dionna and the boys…why would motherhood be any different?2016-08-15_0010

16 weeks2016-08-15_0011 18 weeks2016-08-15_0012 It has been such a wonderful experience to be pregnant at the same time as Jen. We used to play with baby dolls and here we are having our own babies. 2016-08-15_0013 2016-08-15_0014 2016-08-15_0023 19 weeks2016-08-15_0015 20 weeks2016-08-16_0002 KICKING!!!2016-08-16_00032016-08-15_0016 21 weeks2016-08-15_0024 2016-08-15_0025 2016-08-15_0026 2016-08-15_00272016-08-15_0030 23 weeks2016-08-15_0031 That one time Liam was crying for me in the lake and I forgot how pregnant I was and jumped off the boat to calm him. 2016-08-15_0032 So like I have said…this pregnancy has been different in so many ways. This baby is for sure my sweets kid. The only thing I really crave other than sweets is guacamole. I have eaten more guac in these past few weeks than I probably have my whole life. I’m just super grateful that I haven’t had swelling this time around. My rings are still on!! Woohoo!2016-08-15_0033 24 weeks2016-08-15_003425 weeks

So at our 20 week ultrasound, our tech saw some cysts on our son’s left kidney. She referred us to a specialist. The specialist confirmed that he does have Multicystic Displastic Kidney. Meaning he will most likely not have function in the kidney and it will probably need it removed within his first year of life. As a mom you just want them to be perfect. It breaks my heart to think of him having to have surgery, but the doctors have reassured me time and time again that his other kidney has become a super kidney functioning for both and he can lead a normal life with just one working kidney. His only limitations will be no contact sports. We are going to see a pediatric urologist this week for some more answers. We would love some prayers! 2016-08-15_0035I adore this little profile.
2016-08-15_0036My kids just hate having their picture taken. He has been pretty shy this entire pregnancy…granted we have had a ridiculous amount of ultrasounds. But this day we actually saw him turn his head the other direction avoiding a picture. When she finally caught one he scrunched up into a mad face. He often puts his fists up in front of his face like he is ready to go to blows!
2016-08-15_0037 Liam has been amazing. This kid just blows me away with his love for his brother. Everywhere we go…”Mom look how cute for him,” or “Mom when he is here he can do this with us.” He includes him in everything and talks to him everyday.  He did make me laugh when he said “Mom, when I go to Nonnie or Ma’s house will he come too?” Yes Liam “Oh, ooooooooh then he can help me pick up my toys and then I won’t be so tired.” HAHAHAHA!!! Already thinking like an older sibling.

Coming back to my point about differences, I think that God has taught me a lot in the short few moths that these boys are different. This pregnancy has been so hard in so many ways. Opposite of last time. I keep expecting him to be like Liam and he is not. He is a different person who will do and like different things. I don’t know why that has been a difficult concept for me to grasp. It’s like learning how to be a new mom all over again and he is not even here yet. The only thing I know for sure that will be the same is the love I have for Liam I already feel for this new life. I’m so proud and honored that God chose me to be their mother.

Kellan Cole McCarthy, we can’t wait to meet you son.